


Hickey

by Decentcupofcoffee



Series: Umbrella academy one-shots [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Adorable, Family Bonding, Five being done with his family, Five bulshitting his way out, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Klaus is a Little Shit, Not Beta Read, OR IS IT, We Die Like Men, hickey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 04:52:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18087785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Decentcupofcoffee/pseuds/Decentcupofcoffee
Summary: Five has a suspicious mark on his neck and his family think it's a hickey.





	Hickey

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HolyKingWasteLand](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyKingWasteLand/gifts).



> For my child Anakin, hope you enjoyed this trash bruh ♡

Everything about the Hargreeves household is, in a sense, strange. Nothing in that house is 'normal' per say, yet the thought of something as mundane as a hickey throwing the inhabitants into chaos mildly amuses many as well as baffles others.

And a hickey did just that, the entire household erupted into a panicked chaos at the thought of "little wittle baby Five", as Klaus oh so graciously put it, having a deep purple 'hickey' on the right side of his neck.

The day had started like most other Saturday mornings, everyone was awake and minding their own business as some drank and others ate, but all froze as Five drearily sat at the table and waited for his coffee.

"Five," Allison began hesitantly, "is there something you're not telling us?" Five, obviously confused, shook his head as he tilted his head in question, "Only what you don't need to know," He said resuming his usual expression as he sipped at his coffee. 

"So, that mark ya got there," Luther began as he gestured to the purple mark splayed across the soft flesh of his 'younger' brother's neck, "Who are they?"  
They all watched as Five's eyes immediately widened and his hand shot up, covering the mark. "It looks to me like he got a little freaky with Deloris last night, hmm Five?" Klaus giggled whilst making suggestive faces. The table went silent only to be broken by Diego half laughing half choking on his juice box, "Seriously Diego?" Five said holding back the giggle that threatened to escape, "Nothing like that happened, Klaus," The smaller said putting emphasis on is brothers name, "Diego, you can't laugh at him, when you're a thirty something year-old man drinking an apple juice box," Allison added. 

"That juice box is probably the most action he's gotten in years Allison, let him have his time," Klaus continued with a quite dramatic tone as he gazed off into the distance before erupting into a fit of giggles, Ben beside him doing the same. 

Five was just happy the subject was changed and continued to quietly sip his coffee, until, Vanya. 

He saw the small smirk form on her face before mouthing the words, 'Who? Was it Deloris?' she couldn't contain the small giggle that escaped her lips as Five glared towards her mouthing back, 'It's not a hickey!!!' with a sour facial expression. 

They listened to their siblings continue to joke until Vanya once again let a slight smirk play at her lips, "So Five," She began, placing her hand thoughtfully over her mouth, "about that," she began to gesture towards the all but forgotten 'hickey'. 

"OH yes! We almost forgot about our little wittle baby Five and his 'adventures' with Deloris," Klaus speaks up, all Five can do is sigh as Vanya giggles in the corner.  
Ben held back a laugh but still attempted to whack Klaus, even if he knew it wouldn't work, he held out hope that it might happen again one day and continued to tell him off, "STOP HE'S A CHILD!"  
"Technically he's an old man trapped in a small child's body so..." Klaus corrected, everyone just stared at him like he was crazy until he simply said, "Ben," with an aspirated tone and a 'duh' kind of expression. 

"Okay I'm leaving, have fun with your little conspiracy theories, it's not a hickey," and with that Five blinked back upstairs.

"Our little boy is growing up," Klaus fake sniffled as he pretended to wipe a tear, "He's becoming a man," He continued, as Ben stood attempting to hold in his laugh.  
"How do you really think he got it though?" Vanya questioned, "Yeah, it's not like we're exactly 'normal' and Five doesn't really seem like the kind to do that," Allison answered.  
"Well maybe, Deloris is actually real," Klaus added once again and was met with a chorus of no's, "Maybe someone from the neighbourhood? I've seen plenty of young girls around about Five's age," Luther added. 

"Well maybe it's a boy, you never know," Klaus, rather sarcastically stated, but his words held quite a harsh and serious undertone. Luther apologised and the group continued to come up with strange theories about Five's mysterious 'hickey'. 

Five laid in his bed whist he attempted to practically smother himself with the plain feather pillow he'd grown attached to, the voices of his siblings still echoing throughout the large house causing him to want to delete himself from existence. 

Throughout the rest of the day his siblings continued to question him, they were literally everywhere, Klaus even scared the shit out of him by suddenly pulling the shower curtain open. Let's just say Five didn't let out the manliest scream. 

Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, questions, questions and more questions. 

The most frustrating and tiresome three days of Five's entire life. Doors were slammed in faces, as well as more blinking than necessary on Five's part and probably the most family interaction in a while.

Five was done, he was literally two seconds away from just telling his siblings the embarrassing truth, but his pride got in the way of that, especially since his siblings had made such a big deal out of it. 

Even the one involved had egged the others on, pushed for them to ask more, Five would just have to make something up.  
So he did.

That night, as they all gathered around the table for dinner, everyone sharing questioning glances that all eventually led back to Five. The air was heavy and atmosphere suffocating, "FINE, I'll tell you what happened and then can we just drop it? Please?" Five had finally came up with a not-so-perfect plan.

Slightly shuffling in his seat, Five cleared his throat and began, " So it happened on Friday night, I went to the library and there was a girl I'd seen there a few times before. I'd had a little alcohol to numb the painful existence of life, as we all do, and yeah this happened," he gestured to the now faded mark on his neck as everyone sat in stunned silence.  
"What the everloving fuck Five," Allison questioned wide-eyed, "Fine, let's say that actually did happen, what'd she look like then?" Klaus challenged. 

"Short, dyed pink hair, green eyes, pale skin," Five stated as a mater-of-fact, "Any more questions?" 

The dining room suddenly erupted into loud questions and laughter, Klaus watched as his siblings continued to fret over the smaller with a smirk plastered across his lips, he knew the truth, a truth that they very clearly did not.

He watched as they hung on to each and every word Five uttered, "It's not a hickey, I accidentally whacked him in the neck with a broom end when I was practising my sword skills," Klaus lent over to Ben and whisper giggled, he watched as Ben's eyes went wide, "And now that you know, no one else ever will Benny boy, have fun with that,"

And so Klaus, Ben and Five were the only ones who ever really knew what the mark on Five's neck was and Ben almost murdered Klaus that night.

**Author's Note:**

> I once again have no idea what I'm doing  
> Hope you enjoyed! ♡


End file.
